Biology

Okay. I'm freaking out. Like freaking out. Next week in my biology class we are determining our goal calorie intakes, which in and of it's self is great. But it also means the entire class will know how much I weight since you need it for the formula and we are doing in groups and then sharing.
I just.. god. Please no. I can't broadcast my weight to everyone. I'm so fat. I'll be so embarrassed. I'm so disgusting and there are so many pretty people in my class... and so many cute guys.. I can't do it. I have to be down to 128 by then or.. I don't know. That means a pound a day... How can I do that?
I just can't let the entire class know how disgusting I am....

Anyway, today has been a much better day in terms of calories and school than yesterday was. I got my binders yesterday, so everything was so organized. I felt like I could breathe again. When certain things aren't in order I feel like I can't breathe, like something is strangling me.

I've always know I've had a mild kind of OCD, and it's never been about cleanliness. Like my room is completely messy and dirty. But, for some reason that doesn't bother me. I'm nearly never in there and nothing in there really matters to me. I keep my binder with my 'stuff' in it in my suitcase that sits in my room and my Ana notebook is always with me. I keep my school stuff with me and my make is in a nice, neat little set of drawers that sits in the middle of my room (the plastic kind you get at Staples and such). But certain things have to be every organized. One of those is my book bag and my 'special' binder. I also have to have my clothes perfectly fit and in place. And my food has to be piled neatly and I alphabetize things in the kitchen. It just makes me feel better.

So my point is, my day was so much better. Since I was more organized, so were my eating habits. So far, I've had 340 calories. I plan on eating about 100 at eight or nine later on, worth of yogurt and jello. Maybe if I'm not that hungry I'll just stick to about 20 calories worth of jello.

I'm going to a salt wash, but it will put me way over my salt intake because I had four rice cakes total today. But, it'll clear me out pretty well. The last one worked pretty well. I'm drinking a lot of water (with crystal light in it) maybe 2 liters worth today. And I'm going to have another liter plus the salt-water. Great, yeah?