Merry Christmas and Happy Calorie Count!

So the past two days have gone very well calorie wise. Well, my net calorie counts have been very good. Mondays was 275 and today was 300. Mind you, this is combined with exercise. But I have dropped two pounds so I figure it's working! See, when I said the scale said I weighed 124 the other day I said it skeptically and I was right to be skeptical. Later that fat it told me I was back at 129. So anyway, my losing two pounds has put me at 127. This was agreed on by two different scales, so I'm believing it. If any of you have an Instagram you can follow me @mydecompsingmind102. Thank you dears and I hope you had a jolly Christmas. Jolly? What. What is that word? Oh well. JOLLY!

Charlie From Lost

You know how Charlie from Lost was addicted to Herion? And how he carets around the Virgin Mary statue with all the drugs in it, even after he quit? I didn't get it when I first watched it, but I totally do now. Having the option makes you want it less. Or at least that's how it is for me. Like the Razors, if I have them I don't want to cut as much as I would if I didn't. And the fact that I know it's an option makes me not do something else. When my mother took my razors before, I nearly killed myself. But when I got them back I didn't cut right away, and only when I would have done something much more drastic. I totally understand it. To have it, it makes you feel better.

My Plan

So today I had 3 candy cane Hersey's kisses, which means seventy three calories and I am about to have some soup that comes to a total of 125 calories. So with both that is 198 calories. I plan on cleaning (2cal/min) and dancing (4cal/min). Which total, I should be able to burn about 200 calories. If I clean for an hour and dance for about twenty minutes, which isn't even hard. Maybe I'll burn more. But what I do know is that if I am not in the negative today I will be so very miserable. I think I can because I ate so much yesterday, restricting won't be as hard. Wish me luck, and stay skinny my dears!!!

God. Why can't I do anything right?

So. I told you earlier that I have next to no gag reflex and I'm pretty sure the one time I did throw up it was a fluke because I already didn't feel good. I've been binging all week. My weekly average is 1117 calories. Oh my god. My average is normally 600-750. A full 300 calories over where I normally am. Today I had 1599 not including exercise. I feel really disgusting because my stomach is so full. But I can't get it to come up. I barely cough when I stick my fingers down my throat. I hate myself. Im going to be even more whale like in the morning. I don't want to wake up because I'll have gained weight and I can't bear it, since I'm pretty such my scale was off this morning. Saying I was a full six pounds less than where I was two days ago. I wish it had been right though. I can't eat tomorrow. I can't. Not if I want an ounce of self respect. The reason I've been bingeing so much is because I'm going into online school and I feel very unmotivated yo look good for my stuffed animals. But j have to remember that I have a date on Monday. Or at least I probably do. He asked me, but I haven't said yes, yet. W'ell see how fat I am tomorrow. I really want to go, though. He's do sweet. I've mentioned him before. But I can't go if I don't lose at least some weight. Im too nervous when people touch me. I went to the fair with him and I ended up freaking out because I felt so fat. Then I was watching a movie with him and felt disgusting the entire time. I really have to lose some weight before I can enjoy anything. I've attached a picture of me in one of my favorite outfits. I look so fat. God. Ew. Really. I'm so very nasty. Like I said, I need to lose weight.

Chocolate.

It might as well be the devil. It's completely disgusting and calories filled. The fat content is astronomical. And it's totally addicting. I really really want to quit eating it, but it's so hard. I'm going to go clean my room. Two calories per minute, dearies.

Reasons For Thin (Part II)

If you haven't read my previous entries, I have a post where I have 80 reasons for thin. I have decided to make a follow-up post on that subject. If I repeat some, I apologize. 

1. To never have to worry if clothes make you look fat.
2. To dance in front of people without feeling horrible
3. To not feel ashamed about your weight
4. To not feel the need to lie about your weight
5. To look in the mirror without disgust
6. To wear shorts
7. Dresses
8. To feel like you're not wasting money on pretty clothes
9. The 'Have you lost weight?'question
10. An attractive, un-frumpy bathing suit
11. No more wondering if I'm the fattest one in the room
12. To take pictures 
13. Go running without feeling floppy
14. A flat tummy
15. For my legs not to touch
16. To sit on people's laps without freaking out
17. To feel attractive again
18. To stop obsessing
19. To wear sexy underwear
20. Stop canceling plans because I feel ugly
21. To stop being lazy
22. So I don't embarrass my friends 
23. To wear white
24. So I could have short hair without feeling fat (not that I really want short hair, but still)
25. To be able to kiss someone without feeling like I have to pull away

Thinspration Pictures

Why BMI is Bull.

Reason One)
     It does not take into account muscle mass. So, if you are extremely fit, it will categorize you as over weight. If you have no muscle mass, it will categorize you as underweight. When in both cases you may be a perfectly normal weight.

Reason Two)
     The guy that invented it specifically said it was not meant to be used as a healthy-or-not measurement. Just to categorize the population for counting

Reason Three)
    Does not take into account bone mass, either. Think about it. We all know people that have really large bones, and some with very small bones. Does the formula know the difference? It does not.

Amounts Of Calories

Did you know that each gram of a certain substance has a certain calories count. Each gram of Fat has 9 calories. Each gram of protein has 4 calories, carbohydrates also carry 4 calories each. Alcohol (Just straight alcohol mind you) has 7 calories. That means that if you ate something with 2 grams of fat, 7 grams of carbohydrates, and 3 grams of protein, that would mean you ate 58 calories. That's how you get calories counts. You add all those properties together.

I'm Back (Again)

Hello Dearies,

     Sorry I've been gone so long. I've been dealing with a lot as of late. I'm going into online schooling, which I am not looking forward to. I currently weigh 123.5, which I'm not really sure how that happened because I stopping losing weight for a long time. Actually I gained back six pounds, so I was back up to 135. But then about a week and half ago I finally got back down to 129. I was stuck at that weight until two days ago. I didn't weigh myself for a day and when I weighed myself today, I was 123.5. So yay. Except I don't quite believe it. I keep stepping on and off the scale. I took off all my clothes, but I stayed 123.5. I was very confused. But you know, whatever.
     So I started dancing again since I last talked to you guys. Ballet, or my version of it. Maybe that's where the extra weight coming off has come from.
     I also started attempting to throw up, but I rarely manage because my gag-reflex isn't up to par. It takes forever to throw up anything. I hate it, it's a lot easier than not eating, but I like the hungry feeling better.
    I've been eating horridly disgusting amounts of food lately. I ate into the thousands the past two days. I'm just freaking nasty!
    I just wanna be pretty. My goal weight is still 102 lbs. I'm twenty one pounds away. I've lost 23 lbs. So I'm a bit more than halfway there.
    I have a friend who is losing weight because he started running track. It's terrifying. I mean, he was overweight (slightly), so he had weight to lose, but still. With my history the thought of someone close to me losing weight so fast (He's lost like 25 pounds) makes me worry. I'm scared he'll end up like me. I don't want anyone to end up like me.
    I've decided that I'm not pro-ana (Well, I made that directive awhile ago). But that just means I don't want anyone to end up like me and I won't be giving out advice, but I'll still make tip posts and what not because this place is more for me than anyone. I'd still post even if I had no viewers.   Though I hope to get my following back, since I'm starting to post again.
     The reason I haven't been on lately is because of Tumblr. I'm addicted. But I figure now that I'm starting online school, I'm going to have much more free time.
     I'm going to post a thinspiration post soon. Please feel free to comment.