God. Why can't I do anything right?

So. I told you earlier that I have next to no gag reflex and I'm pretty sure the one time I did throw up it was a fluke because I already didn't feel good. I've been binging all week. My weekly average is 1117 calories. Oh my god. My average is normally 600-750. A full 300 calories over where I normally am. Today I had 1599 not including exercise. I feel really disgusting because my stomach is so full. But I can't get it to come up. I barely cough when I stick my fingers down my throat. I hate myself. Im going to be even more whale like in the morning. I don't want to wake up because I'll have gained weight and I can't bear it, since I'm pretty such my scale was off this morning. Saying I was a full six pounds less than where I was two days ago. I wish it had been right though. I can't eat tomorrow. I can't. Not if I want an ounce of self respect. The reason I've been bingeing so much is because I'm going into online school and I feel very unmotivated yo look good for my stuffed animals. But j have to remember that I have a date on Monday. Or at least I probably do. He asked me, but I haven't said yes, yet. W'ell see how fat I am tomorrow. I really want to go, though. He's do sweet. I've mentioned him before. But I can't go if I don't lose at least some weight. Im too nervous when people touch me. I went to the fair with him and I ended up freaking out because I felt so fat. Then I was watching a movie with him and felt disgusting the entire time. I really have to lose some weight before I can enjoy anything. I've attached a picture of me in one of my favorite outfits. I look so fat. God. Ew. Really. I'm so very nasty. Like I said, I need to lose weight.