Difficult

Everything seems so hard. Breathing, thinking, eating, moving. It's all too much. I don't have the energy or the will power to do this anymore. I don't know why I keep doing this. It's like every breath I take ... it just chips off another piece of me. I don't know how there's any of me left. I feel so empty. I feel so very alone.
How can I go through the day like everything is fine, when I just want to die?
How can I smile when all I want to do is sleep?
How can I talk to all those people, keep them fooled, when all I want is to be held.
To be loved. For someone to know - and someone to care.
Why should they care, though? They have their own problems, no one should have to worry about mine. Why should I take away anyone else's smile? But that's all I do. Steal their smiles when ever I want someone to care about me. I just want to tell someone, tell him. My best friend. I just want to tell him. About everything. My father, my anorexia, this weight on my shoulders. But I can't. I have to keep it all in. I don't want to steal his smile. But I just want him to hold me....I just want to feel like someone in the world cares enough to share their warmth with me. I just want to lie with him for a while, talking or in silence. I just want his embrace. Just for a moment. Everything is too hard. It should be easy, I shouldn't feel like this. Like I'm dying. Or I'm already dead. Like I'm beyond feeling anyone's warmth.